Love & All That Jazz

“Noooo, you can’t make me do this. Please?!”
Aswin closed into the hapless Shrutz, rubbing his hands together and cackling in a fiendish manner. “Err, why am I cackling fiendishly?”
Shrutz was annoyed, “Because you just tagged me, you… FIEND.”
“Ahh, yes. You have to tell me who your perfect *cough cough* lover is.”,
continued the devil in human guise.
Shrutz nearly choked on her scream, or would have if the scream were solid. “I thought my feelings on *gah* LOVE were pretty well documented…. Please, buddy boy, don’t make me do this! Main tumhaare pair padti hoon. Mujhse yeh NAHIN hoga!”
But alas! This was to fall on the deaf ears of the So-called-Casanova formerly known as Aswin. Knowing the fellow as well as I did, if I didn’t listen to him, there would be HELL to pay when I saw him next, mainly in the form of food and Sprite. My pockets weren’t that deep.
All complaints about this here post maybe addressed to the link given above.

Here’s the funda behind the tag. Yeah, apparently, there’s a funda.
1) I am supposed to talk about eight characteristics of my soul-mate. (Yes, I did substitute the original word used. 😉 I am kinda li’l prim and propah in some ways.)
2) Tag eight other people. Yes, that would be unsuspecting people who would HATE doing the tag. Yes, that is the reason I took up the tag without much fuss. Yes, I am a sadist. No, you can’t do anything about it.
3) Inform them in their comments that they “been issued a lurve tag”. Hmm, maybe there are perks to this tag.
4) Go back to sleep, a happy camper, secure in the knowledge that the blogger world is a slightly unhappier place since your last post.

At the outset, I’d like to inform all and sundry these pertinent points about the Shrutz behind the blog.
1) I don’t believe in soul mates.
2) The last time I made a list about the “ideal guy” in my life, Angel and I had a wonderful Yahoo discussion for two hours. At the end of this wonderful conversation, both of us had a long list which we promptly agreed was a cartload of crap.
3) No person is a list of qualities. Everyone is above and over a bunch of adjectives.
4) I don’t believe in knights in shining armour, or white stallions or soft pink confetti.

Yes, the preliminaries have been concluded. You, little boy, you may open your eyes. Aunty Shrutz promises she won’t be mean anymore!

Without further ado, with a flourish of trumpets, here’re eight things about my dream guy.

  • He must just be goodlooking enough. Weird sentence, right? It means he shouldn’t be prettier than me. Yeah, I do hear the whispers of “That must be REALLLLY hard.” That’s okay. If the guy is more goodlooking than I am, I expect him to go break his nose and a few teeth to boot in order to level the playing field out!
  • He must be empathetic and a strong shoulder to cry on, doze off and rest my head on when things get too hectic in my brain; what with all those multiple Shrutz’s clamouring for attention and all that, my brain DOES get overheated!
  • The unlucky fellow must be calm and capable of handling my craziness and periodic outbursts. My heart already goes out to him in commiseration for the torture he will have to undergo. I know of at least three guys who have hit their heads repeatedly on whatever flat surface was available to them when I started on my weird logic.
  • Intelligent conversation is a must. Pretence annoys me and silliness bores me. The definition of intelligent conversation, to me, is not a lengthy discourse on the works of John Milton or the Rise & Fall of the Roman Empire. Everyday talk would do fine, as long as it doesn’t get too dull & prosaic. I can while away any amount of time talking about anything under the sun. Unfortunately, the listener must reciprocate too!
  • He mustn’t make weird noises while eating with his mouth open… HUGE turn off, people!
  • Oh wait! The guy must be tall. I am so vertically deprived, I’d like a tall person around to take the books off the top shelf!
  • THE guy must not live in low-waist-fall-off-if-I-sneeze jeans 24/7. In fact, these are more or less a no-no. Long hair, NEVER!!! There’s only room for one person’s hair brushes and shampoos in this relationship, buster and it ain’t you!!!
  • Respect. Given and taken.

I am tagging these unfortunate souls to share the torture.
DJK because she specifically asked me not to.
Ranj, ‘cos I am curious.
Puneet He was in the wrong place at 3:30 am.
Angel because we’ve already had this conversation.
Binu, he WANTS to do it, crazy guy.
Jax He’s been propositioned to by a guy. NOW, I am curious.
Girish It’s an open-ended question for the SAP dude.
Vignesh He’s too obsessed with this.

An afterthought… Rishab. Which way does the river flow, dude?!


5 thoughts on “Love & All That Jazz

  1. Angel

    Why you little….!!!
    I’ve been seeing this tag making its rounds and was thanking my lucky stars that I didn’t have to do it!!!But, oh no, leave it to the Shrutz to make wildest nightmares oh-so-real!!
    I repeat…AAAAAAAAAA!!!

    Our WONDERFUL conversation, I remember!! =))

    Maybe I should post that conversation instead of the tag, what say? 😉

    But I like your points, babes…very intewesting…and looks like I’ll be borrowing some of ’em. 🙂

    Thanks a lot, hon…hugs and kisses…NOT!!!

  2. Anonymous

    tall, broad shoulders,emphatic, not slim , no long hair & not as goodlooking as you…………….reminds me of Shrek…….WoW………that would be a perfect match…….Shrek & Shrutz.

  3. divertido

    seems that you got a pretty good idea of who you want. bol
    i have been hanging around some blogs and urs r one of the good ones.applaudes.
    but, why this word verification. dont belive that i am human???

  4. Pingback: The case for singledom (mine) « The Printed Jezebel

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