DJK has tagged me my 20 pet peeves.
But waiddadamnedminute! The last few posts have been quite personal, don’t you think? This just might be the nail in the coffin. My readers are going to flounce away, knowing way too much about Shrutz than they ever wanted to know!
Hmm, maybe I will take that chance?
Here’s an aside to a very good friend of mine who was surprised by some of my revelations in the past few blog posts. She was a bit upset she didn’t know those facets in my character.
Okay. Who cares if you didn’t know I love stitching, you know everything you need to know and isn’t that enough?
Why did I do this on my blog?… Because, she’s very special to me and she needs a reminder that she is very special! Here’s to you, girl, you better know who you are!
Okay that aside done, let’s delve deep into those “bugger alls” that are going to be the talk of the town! The peeves are not as much pet as wild and untamed. So take heed!
1) I can’t stand (I really mean it) guys who stand about in groups staring at girls and commenting. Roadside Romeos, as a matter of fact. Funny part is, it doesn’t have anything to do with age. Teenagers and Thirty year olds are equally bad! The woman concerned can be 14 or even 60. They just can’t let go! I just can’t understand the thought process that goes behind that. Maybe it has something to do with their caveman instincts kicking in.
Scene: A Neanderthal cave where humans have just discovered the use of their opposable thumbs and their vocal chords. The former was involved in the first documented permission for a “lift” and the latter… Well, you just got to know!
Neanderthal Man1: (seeing a girl rush past to escape the unwelcome flirtations of a caveman brandishing a club) Urgh… Gnah… Pshh
Neanderthal Man2: (Talking in Neanderthal code just loud for the girl to hear and cryptic enough for her to know they are talking about her) Hmahd… ajspam…. Grrr… Grunt.
(All Neanderthals nod assent as if they have discovered fire) Arghhh…
I still don’t understand it.. Maybe, that’s because I lack a Y chromosome!
2) People who can’t take a hint unless it comes back to them and bites them where it hurts them most!
Have you ever had that weird feeling when you have entered a royal sulk and the person at whom it is directed is least bit bothered or even understands that you are annoyed! Well, what DO you have to do? Attach a signboard that says “In Sulk. You are reason. Kindly make things better. You idiot!”?
3) Bad spelling & grammar. My hand itches to correct it. I know it’s rude and I KNOW it’s bugging to the other person, but I still do it….
4) Auntyjis & Unclejis who think I have nothing on my mind other than to get hitched to a guy. The conversation usually runs on these lines.
A/U-ji: “So, you are almost done with engineering, eh?” (Secret smile they like to think is very mischievous with a knowing wink & nudge)
Me: (nodding head hesitantly) “Well, yes, in 4 months or so…”
A/U-ji: “Soooo, mole, what are your plans like?”
Me: “Well, I’d like to either do my MBA or work for two years…”
A/U-ji: “Tsk tsk.. What about a nice guy?”
Me: “Well, what ABOUT a nice guy?” (With a weak smile) “I guess there’s time enough after my future studies and some work.”
At this juncture, Aunty/Uncle-ji turns to Mom and asks her if she has any plans, seeing as they know a nice boy who works in Bangalore….
My mom is well acquainted with my murderous looks at those hapless souls and she’s already pitying the nice boy in Bangalore. “She has other plans.. And she’s my baby. So, neither of us is in a hurry.”
5) People who eat with their mouths open. No, I don’t want to see your molars grinding the chappatis into paste, or do I want to see your canines tearing into the chicken. I’d rather all the activities in your mouth were private!
6) Public displays of affection between guys. I get uncomfortable really quickly. Have you ever seen men walk hand in hand, swinging their oh-so-lovingly clasped appendages as far as they can and with a sweet song hovering around them, till you’d be excused if you thought that there wasn’t a sweeter couple in the whole wide world. Of course, any public show of affection scares me; thankfully they aren’t too common in Mallu-land!
7) Girls who simper and preen to get things done. Of course, you will have met them. These are the ones that talk in a breathless voice and giggle in a femininely irritating falsetto every opportunity they get.
Damned irritating girl to boy: “Ohh, could you open this bottle for me” *giggle* “I can’t get my hand around its lid properly.”
Whereupon guy opens bottle through sheer stringy muscle power,
Damned irritating girl to stringy boy: “You’re so nice to help such a weak female like me.”*giggle* “Thanks a lot…”Inane chatter follows punctuated by many MANY annoying laughs.
8) Most phone-in music shows get my goat. The vacuous VJs hardly make things better. The conversation from either end can hardly be called STIMULATING!
VJ: So, what do you do?
Caller: I am Utpreksha, a student at the Jhumri Thalaiya Higher Secondary school where I am doing my 12th standard and I LOVVVVVE ‘N Sync. Justin Timberlake rules. Woohoo!
VJ: “So, who else lives at home?”
Caller: Mom, dad, sister Anjana, brother Elvis, my dog Rover, my cat Kitty and my parrot….
VJ: So which song would you like?
A teeny-bopper song is named, whereupon
VJ: And whom would you like to dedicate this song to?
Caller: To my best friend Shilpa.
Caller: (continuing)…and Tinku, Rinku, Dinku and their friends Laju, Saju, Raju, Kaju, their boyfriends and girlfriends. My dog Rover, my cat Kitty, my favourite teacher Ms. Reena, the bus conductor on my school bus, my mom, my dad, Justin Timberlake… And of course, you. You are SIMPLY THE BEST!
VJ : (Not at ALL red) Sure, thanks, girl. You ROCK!…and so on.
9) Jennifer Aniston as Rachel and David Schwimmer as Ross Geller in Friends. They’re too darned irritating. Let’s see the story progress
Ross and Rachel get together.
Ross and Rachel break up.
Uhuh, Ross and Rachel get back together.
*blink, you missed it* Ross & Rachel break up.. AGAIN.
In the middle of this mess…The pitter-patter of baby feet. Oh look, they might or might not be together.
Frankly, noone cares anymore!
11) Linux-based computers in our college lab that take 1 day to boot.
12) Road rage addicts who start leaning on their horns in a gridlock. Apparently, they think that the sonic blasts will
Either 1) magically clear the road ahead for them or 2) enable them to sprout wings and take to the skies in their trucks (or luxury vehicles)
13) Ekta Kapoor and her irritating mega-serials where the woman are always clad in silk saris and the men are interchangeable. Where in a jiffy, the 28 year old heroine has become the 45 year old mother of a teenager who sprouts 2 pigtails and lisps about how great her ma is. For our lil Ekta, it seems to be, “Jab tak mujh mein ek aur saas hain, main serials banaati rahoongi.”
Give us a primetime break, Ms. Kapoor!
14) Politicians playing their endless games of strategy. It gets boring very quickly.
15) Any chain-mail forward.
I am unable to get the logic behind If you don’t give me 20 pushups and send this mail to 20 others before 12:20 am tonight, you will be cursed with eternal dandruff and hairfall. The more people you send it to, the healthier you hair will be. XYZ got this mail and ignored it, now she is wearing a wig for life, ABC got it, was a believer and sent it to 50 people and now she appears in L’Oreal advertisements. PQR sent it to 10 people and now, half of her head has shiny hair and the other half is bald. She’s making a fashion statement, apparently. Of course, I know what has happened to people who got this message and reacted to it before I actually sent it, because I have shiny hair that helps in clairvoyance. Oh yes, and also…I think that shade of red lipstick doesn’t really suit you, Mr.Brown.
Exercise your gray cells, exorcise the chain forwards.
I really don’t want a forward unless it makes me laugh. No, I don’t think if I forward ‘If you don’t forward this, you don’t have a heart’, some gift wrapped baby will get one cent, and I know for certain my heart is in its right place… in my rib cage. No, I definitely don’t think that Yahoo is magically going to shut down its messenger one fine day and I am sure Jack Russell has other things on his mind!
16) SMSes from unknown numbers that start with “how r u doin, da” for 2 reasons
i) I don’t know you
ii)The dictionary and word complete is given in mobiles for a reason. USE it wisely.
17) Writer’s block. I can definitely live without it. So can the numerous sheets of paper and chewed pencils!
18) Smokers who, not just content to put an early end to their life, pass on second hand smoke like they are doing the rest of us a favour.
19) Folks, who, knowing that you are invisible on Yahoo for a reason, keep pinging you and sending a million audibles a minute.
20) The fact that inspite of the fact that I seem to dislike so many things, I can’t really put TWENTY pet peeves on my tag without spending 3 days on it!
I pass this on to Densel