There are butterflies in my tummy and my heart is beating loudly.
On November 20th, what may be called everyone’s worst nightmare came to light. The paper was kind of surprising. I remember looking at the front cover for the ten minutes and trying all permutations of questions possible.
“10 one mark questions and 20 two mark questions.” I shook my head. “That’s NOT possible. Ahh, it anyway gives you more time to look at all questions.”
Guess what? SURPRISE! I did not see all the questions! Not even close. More importantly, Verbal was like a bad dream that refused to go away….
Right now, the butterflies are still there. I am kind of like a coiled spring, very tense. One minute, I think I haven’t made any mistakes (other than the ones I made unknowingly) and the other I worry about how many circling errors I might have committed. By the time I have reassured myself that I haven’t, I imagine that I wrote the entire set wrong… One moment I pull my DSP textbook and try to start studying for my end-terms, the next I am day-dreaming about nothing in particular..
Oh! For crying out loud.. there are 6 weeks left! Could you please get it over with and give me the bad news? The wait’s not the kindest thing that has happened to me. My fingernails are almost bitten into extinction and my mother’s getting tired of me resembling a harried sheep rather than anything else!
I’d decided not to check my scores, but 4 days later I was at TIME’s website looking at what I’d done. The impetus for that particular action:- weird rumours floating around college about my scores. The reason was a string of SMSes flying back and forth.
“Hey Shruti. What’s your score?”
“I don’t know I haven’t checked.”
“Please tell me what your score is. I want to know. I want to know” (ad infinitum)
“I am too nervous to. Why don’t we wait to be surprised by the score card? How did you do?”
Pause for about 1 hour.
“I presume you know that TIME has put up the key.”
“YES. Now please don’t scare me.”
“Please don’t lie. I know you’ve checked.”
A few days later, I’d cracked under the strain of a classmate telling me MY score. BAD idea. Now I am perpetually nervous and counting in my mind.
On a tangential, I’ve been informed that on searching “CAT 2005 IIM Verbal blog”, you reach my page. Of course, with this one post, that’d have become slightly better, right?
Of course, I have got to start studying. Last exam I gave (a Power Electronics improvement), I realised what exactly constitutes studying in engineering terminology.
Read through the textbook in 2 hours flat, by staring at the diagrams and hoping they have imprinted themselves firmly in your head, and crossing your fingers till it’s time to start writing and you really can’t.
There are about six months for me to while away at the College of Engineering, Trivandrum. It’s weird, sometimes you want something to happen so badly that the moment it does end, you are left with an empty feeling and a confusion about whether it’s an end or a whole new beginning.
Am I sounding like an eternally confused 21-one year old?
On another tangential all together, since this post already seems to be full of them. People ought to be banned from using the verse
“But I have promises to keep/And miles to go before I sleep/And miles to go before I sleep.”
Yes, Robert Frost outdid himself with these immortal lines, but moi is getting tired of hearing it said by every alumnus, or inspirational orator. There is no dearth of poetry floating around English literature.
Please! Next time you have a speech and are tempted paraphrase Frost, go away, go read Ogden Nash and talk about vicious cycles instead!
A very confused and tired and harried